


On the train of forever (but you got off first)

by sunshine_kitcat (moonkevin)



Series: The story of my life (told in the tune of yours) [7]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anger, Bird Symbolism pls look up for full meaning, Break Up, Heavy Angst, Just angst tbh, M/M, Post-Break Up, Y'all love seeing me make Yuil suffer huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 11:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkevin/pseuds/sunshine_kitcat
Summary: For once, Yuta’s words torment him more than the empty seats in his life.“Did you ever love me?”





	On the train of forever (but you got off first)

**Author's Note:**

> Seventeen - Fast Pace

_Yeah _

A broken vase shatters against the walls.

_Yeah _

The sound of ripping photos and shattered glass frames.

_Yeah _

A duet of sobs and slaps echoes throughout the apartment.

_Yeah_

A door slams shut, and a body thumps against the floor.

_Woah_

The train chugs along at its normal speed, leaving behind the station of yesterday.

_You’re going too fast baby_

Taeil watches Yuta’s retreating figure, eyes glassy as he realizes the other doesn’t even want to look at him.

_I don’t know what’s wrong baby_

He scans his memory for what went wrong, desperately wanting to turn the train around and find where he lost his only companion.

_You’re going too fast baby_

The halls seem too dark today. Cold frost bites into Taeil’s skin, and he falls onto his knees. For once, Yuta’s words torments him more than the empty seats in his life.

_Uh uh listen_

“Did you ever love me?”

_Without even knowing why_  
Our faces are getting red  
We are not like before

There’s a hurricane the next day.

A myriad of items fly past the cabin window as Taeil listens to the hum of the engine. Memories cling onto each and every one of the winds, sailing like warships down the rampant winds. Taeil feels Yuta’s anger seeping through the winds even from the steel encrusted cabin. It was made to keep the outside world out, and Taeil’s emotions in. He wonders how Yuta’s doing. They were two ends of a rainbow, connected only by flickering love with little to no spark. Taeil supposes bringing it up was the last straw.

He should be happy. Now he’s free to love someone who he was meant to love.

And yet, only memories of Yuta walking out burns on his mind

_We’re holding hands_  
There is no warmth  
But why can’t we let go?

The voices in his head are screaming. They scream for him to do everything and nothing at the same time. To run back and grab Yuta’s hand-printed cheeks and apologize, but also to scream at him for trying to drag Taeil off the train in the first place. His hands ball into a fist, fingers scraping dried blood from yesterday’s fight. He tries to retrace the warmth of Yuta’s hand on his, but all he’s met with is cold material of the train seat. The engine hums sympathetically.

Taeil doesn’t want pity.

__  
At the same time  
We just cannot let go

Taeil just wants Yuta in his arms again.

_Yo, S.Coups_  
You’re walking ahead as you look behind  
With distance between you and me  
You’re walking indifferently  
But you’re matching your footsteps to mine

The train starts chugging a little faster, and Taeil catches a glimpse of another, higher tech train zooming past his old steam powered one. Through the cracked windows of his cabin, Taeil meets eyes with the man he once loved.

Except those eyes didn’t look back.

A flock of nightingales fly past his window, and Taeil feels the prickling tears again. The next station is nowhere in sight, and Taeil’s not sure there even will be another station. The train chugs along at its pace, and the gap between the two trains eventually mirror. Yuta in front of Taeil, as it’s always been. He wonders if Yuta will see the nightingales too, or maybe he’s already found doves. A flurry of flowers fly from the train window, ripped by the angry hurricane outside. Baby’s breath.

Forever was never an option.

_Getting used to this_  
Boring feeling  
We’re walking in a long tunnel  
We’re not denying the end

The train passes under a tunnel, and the world turns black. Three flickering lightbulbs light up, and the dim lighting means all Taeil can see is the cabin. Long ago, Yuta and him would occupy the cabin together, getting through any tunnel safely in each other’s arms.

Now that Taeil looks back, he wonders if the hushed promise of forevers were ever real.

He wonders if the robins will ever land on his windowsill again, or will the hurricane persist forever. It can’t go on for long. Every storm has an end, and there will always be a rainbow. There’s always hope, always sparrows in the forest of the world.

Taeil closes his eyes.

Maybe tomorrow the hurricane will pass.

_Don’t be gone too long_  
We’re going to a place we shouldn’t go  
Together, we used to walk  
Now we can’t find that  
You walk so quickly

He should never have made that wish. Howling winds wake Taeil up from his nightmare, and Taeil finds a crack in the window. He stares at the line as it slowly grows. He pulls himself onto the cold leather seat and looks out the window, eyes adjusting to the moonlight overhead. The train Yuta was on had long diverted its course. Taeil would never see him again. He remembers their promises to each other every time one of them needed to go into another cabin for supplies. They promised to never leave, and never be gone for long. But those promises could be kept only temporarily.

Taeil was never allowed to go to forever.

A relentless pace was set for him if he ever were to catch up. Taeil’s sure he would long run out of steam in his engine before reaching forever. He wonders if Yuta’s found someone who could take him to forever.

The line on the window widens, and bit by bit, the window shatters. Blistering cold winds sting at Taeil’s deepest protected emotions. Shown to no one, given to no one.

He supposes that’s why Yuta left in the first place.

Taeil was on the train to forever, except the journey was never meant to happen.

**Author's Note:**

> For Tori on twitter!


End file.
